Tuesday Poem: ‘Christ in Aotearoa’ by Andrew Bell

Christ in Aotearoa

Went He unto Sodom
and He did witness all manner of sin there
for the morals of the Sodomites were declining
faster than their property values
so He went down into the city of Gomorrah
where the Pharisees were sucking at the public teat
because in their stony hearts
they saw it as their due
and hence believed there was nothing Wong.

Disheartened, Jesus took ship
for southern lands,
hope in His heart that in a city
that bore His name
He would find the righteous were legion.
Leaning on the railing of the Arahura,
He watched the sperm whales breaching off Kaikoura
and smiled at the memory of the joke
He played on Jonah.

Alighting in the port of Little Town,
His nostrils were assailed by the sweat and leather
of Russian fishermen and He thought
“This is no Galilee.”
A bearded painter who reminded Him of Simon Peter
directed Him to the 28 bus.

He said to the driver, “O Noble Charioteer,
carry me forth so that I might gaze
on the righteous glories of Christchurch.”
“Oi, you bloody hippie, where’s your Metrocard?”
“Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.”
“I don’t care if you’ve had a seizure,
it’s three bucks twenty if you haven’t got a Metrocard.”

Having no sestersi, Jesus walked towards Christchurch.
Thought He, “After forty days in the Judean desert,
the Little Town tunnel should be a doddle.”

Came He eventually to Eastgate Mall
and He thought it a good omen
as His triumphant entry
to Jerusalem had been through the East Gate.
Entering the Mall, He observed,
“The poor shall be with us always.”
And He sought the righteous there,
but He was jostled by shopping trolleys
and harried by harassed Christmas shoppers.

And Jesus wept
for no longer could He drive the moneychangers
from the Temple
because the moneychangers were the Temple.

Today each Tuesday Poem editor is featuring another editor on their blog as a way to celebrate our own writing. The poem above is by Andrew M. Bell who lives in Otautahi and loves his family, surfing, writing, acting, and the true spirit of Christmas. To all the readers and poets of Tuesday Poem, Andrew would like to paraphrase one of his favourite comedians, Dave Allen: “Merry Christmas and may your God go with you.”

Check out more poems on the Tuesday Poem blog. You can check out my Christmas poem on Andrew’s blog.


3 thoughts on “Tuesday Poem: ‘Christ in Aotearoa’ by Andrew Bell

  1. Fantastic jocular tone! Perfect poem for the Christmas Tuesday Poem. Thanks for posting, Sarah, and thank you for all your hard work with the Secret Santa. I loved connecting with my Secret Santa.

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